Kaetlin Perna
October 27, 2006

This Kim Jong Il and North Korea business really has people's panties in a bunch, doesn't it. Not mine. In life, I'm a big advocate of "if I die, I die. I just hope it's quick and painless." Nuclear holocaust: very quick, very painless; so, this North Korea nuclear hoopla, not really a big deal to me. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God, I believe there is an afterlife, I do love my life and don't think living is pointless. Contrary to most extremist Christian point of view, I think we should live our life to the fullest, not in fear of it, hence talks of tours, meeting random quasi-famous celebrities and damning the man. Maybe I refuse to be a drone in this society and give into the standard, but if I were to find out I had twelve hours to live due to impending nuclear holocaust, I'd throw one big damn party.

Last Sunday night, Independence Day (with the oh so dreamy twosome Jeff Goldblum and Bill Pullman) was on HBO. It's that scene after Babely Bill Pullman says, "nuke the bastards," the stealth planes are flying over the alien craft, "deploy" Bill says, and the nuke is dropped. The entire city is obliterated and everything is zapped into oblivion never to exist again, but the alien craft is still there, yeah, that scene. Do you remember the pictures of Hiroshima and Nagasaki ? All that was left was shadows of previous existence. That was only a fraction of what we're capable of today. So why would we run away in fear and die with nothing but anger and helplessness on our minds?

This is how it will go down (if it ever does go down) for me. I'll be walking down the street, all news channels will have changed to the national news broadcast where they are announcing that (for the sake of argument) North Korea is sending bombs away and there is nothing we can do to stop it (for the sake of argument, we're not invisible but we could try to stop it from happening). The first thing I'd do is call my mother, "mom, this is Kaet, yeah you heard? Getting your crossword puzzle, headed to the nuclear air force base and watching Perry Mason reruns? Awesome, I'm throwing a party!" The next thing I'd do is go to the nearest grocery store and instead of getting batteries, water and all the "survival" needs, I'd get beer, and lots of it. Why not be drunk on the last day of my life!

Next, I'd call everyone I've ever met that I remotely like and invite them over to my very small studio alcove. We'd put on Beatles and The Who records, eat brie with bagette, if it's in the winter: cook a turkey; if it's in the summer: big, fat juicy burgers. Naturally, I'd invite the man I mentioned in "Night Moves" and tell him how I really felt. "Look my sweet tall, drunk and handsome, I think I want to have your babies, but see, we're going to die in about... oh, a few hours, so let's say we'd just make out and welcome death together." Of course, we would. Everyone would dance, and laugh, and sing and be happy. The last two hours spent will be watching "Amelie." Why, you ask? Because I like it, that's why.

T-minus two minutes and it's near that time between the difference between present time and my afterlife. The news comes on, the US stops North Korea ! Hooray! We knew all that Reagan Era technology would pull through! But what happens? The next morning, everyone at my party has a huge hangover but had a good time. Me and "Sweet Summertime, Summertime" probably won't ever talk to each other again. (It's awkward post-possible nuclear holocaust morning after feelings). The people living in fear for their impending doom? I don't know. Why? Because I don't know what it's like to live in fear. Life is just another day, impending death or not... minus the brie, baguette, burgers and beer induced hangover.