Kaetlin Perna
June 23, 2006

A New York City based blog, Gothamist.com, had a blurb about the differences between Rochester and New York. It said how different the two were and how Upstaters preferred NY, and Downstaters wished we'd just shut up about wanting to live there. Yes, there are differences (that make me feel I'm living a double life when I do go to New York) but I also feel there are also a ton of similarities, that doesn't make me feel like I can completely escape myself.

When I was waiting for the 2 Bus at the Liberty Pole (I took it to the airport), I noticed that the sounds of mid-afternoon downtown in Rochester are exactly like midtown Manhattan. It's amazing! Unfortunately, some other similarities (nothing quite as trite) exist as well. There are the same social hierarchies, there are people who will always not belong and are out of place (but desperately want to belong). I, myself, am even the same person: I treat people the same in Manhattan, as I do in Rochester and I tell it like it is. Even if Zak Orth snorts at my observations (yes, I just name dropped).

But with that, even with personality similarities, my sense of style turns a 180. Normally a jeans and t-shirt girl, I glam up in a multi-colored miniskirt, painted nails (dark red) with makeup and hair primped. And although my personality is more of less the same, my social skills flourish (I blame the alcohol). Conversations that would normally feel forced, feel natural and comfortable. Maybe I feel like I can get away with more in the city, like dancing on top of the bar at Rififi my first night there this week. (Again I blame the alcohol).

I've spent the last few days here trying to belong in a culture that I feel doesn't want me at all. I've come to the conclusion that I am not these people, I am a writer, and more importantly a playwright. I am my own person with my own opinions and I'll just have to accept that I won't either belong in Rochester or in New York, the way I want. I just have to be me, I conclude, as I sit here in the Jet Blue terminal of JFK. The last three and a half days has only made me realize that more. I may think I lead a double life, but it's really just an appearance — a façade.