Kaetlin Perna
July 21, 2006

After my 9th birthday, I gave up having birthday parties. Okay, you get cake, you get presents, you do that awkward, "A shirt, I love a shirt!" fake thankfulness, and you have to read aloud a boring card. For me, there were never balloons and I always shared my birthday with my brother (who was born 9 years and a week before I was, July 15th). He and I shared a lemon cake from Wegmans, or when both our parents entered a higher pay bracket... Jackson Bakery's Chocolate Torte Cake. So when the first time in my growing childhood, I decided that I wanted to go away to a Girl Scout camp during my 10th birthday, it was the beginning of a long tradition of party-less birthdays.

On the morning of my 10th birthday, I spent grooming the horse that I had been assigned to. I was never a gifted equestrian, but I definitely loved riding horses - made me feel classy. I liked the adventure of sleeping in the outdoors (we had no cabins, it was a shelter), and the independence away from my family. It was the last day at camp, it was the best feeling in the world. Turning 10 away from my family and shared birthdays. I guess it when I felt like I grew up, as it's the age I always tell people I grew up from. Some people it's 19, others are 36... for me it was 10.

On my 11th and 13th birthdays, I believe I went to Darien Lake. 12th and 14th were spent hiking in the Adirondacks, both years were Algonquin. I got tickets to Billy Joel that year too. 15th was spent in Toronto with my mother shopping at Eaton Centre and riding the subway; I got tickets to Lilith Fair that year. Sweet 16 in LA; took pictures of Spielberg's and Gibson's houses and myself in front of the Hollywood sign (when I wanted to be a filmmaker... still do, not so much). On the lazy day that was my 17th birthday, I lounged at my parent's cottage, it was the calm before the storm: I was leaving for college. Adirondacks again at 18, I went with my dad, we hiked Mt. Marcy, and we were on top of New York (highest peak in New York). At 19, I road tripped to Toronto - it was alright, hung outside the Delta Chelsea. Then there was 20.

At 20 years old, I made a last minute trip to New York. 20 was the year, my birthday traditions climaxed and ended all childhood traditions. I took a midnight bus into Manhattan, I got there at 5a, spent the entire day munching on potato chips and chocolate snaps, and hung out with (and mooched off of) friends. I did the New York thing for a total of 48 hours on 67 dollars, which included food and housing. I think it was the first time I learned how to survive. It was that point between childhood ideals of what adulthood is (travel, independence, adventure) to what actual adult realities are: survival and living life your fullest within some boundaries.

At 21, I was working for this theatre company in Rochester. Because of the 14 hour days I worked on the weekends because of shows, I wasn't able to take a trip anywhere. I was stuck in Rochester, with absolutely nothing I could physically do but go to a bar. I spent it at the Old Toad with a few actors who were nice enough to spend with me on my 21st birthday, drinking my first legal drink. Divas behind the curtain, but nice people in regards to my birthday.

So now I'm 22 on Saturday, July 22, 2006. I'm going to the Renaissance Faire in Sterling, NY and it's "Dress Like a Pirate Day." I had to take a vacation day to take my birthday off and I'm sure I'll be hot and sweaty in my pirate costume with a patch over my eye. But a part of me doesn't crave that independent adventure anymore. I know I haven't "seen it all," I know this, but something about simplicity and familiarity can be very fun. I wonder if I just tapped into some adult-like mentality. Oh God, I think I'm going to throw up now, that's the last thing I need. I'm going to a bar and to make out with a stranger.