Kaetlin Perna
September 15, 2006

I read Cosmo, the bible of the young and pretty. While I'm not ashamed of reading it, I felt sheepish admitting that I did in an interview for a freelance position at City Newspaper. Eric, the editor I interviewed with, agreed that it is a very good magazine and there was a reason that it was in the top of its field. I think I felt sheepish because while it is a good, entertaining magazine, it's arguable the fluffiest magazine for pretty girls who lack intelligence. And while I find it entertaining (and occasionally follow their tips), it surprises me every time when I figure out that people take Cosmo seriously!

"Sex Surprises He'll Love... 'Text him two words next time you're leaving work: No panties.' - Bruce, 30. 'While making dinner, my girlfriend put on one of those frilly half aprons - with nothing under it! Even if you're just heating up a can of soup, this will blow his mind.' - Chandler, 25." [Cosmopolitan, 149-150, October 2006] Huh? Are they serious? I'm as adventurous as the next smart and independent girl (note to the gentlemen: quiet, nerdy girls are freaks! I'm not quiet though) and don't get me wrong, I love Cosmo and this isn't a femi-nazi tirade on the stupidity of men, but Christ! So Bruce, I should text you about my lack of panties and Chandler - frilly apron? Come on.

My whole issue with statements such as those are not so much that they are being made, it's that, again, there are people, mainly stupid girls (not the smart ones - if they want "it" they'll get "it") who take what is being suggested (no panties and frilly aprons) seriously! Men are not to blame for half the relationship issues that go on in society - it's the women who say crap like, "whenever I shower at my boyfriend's house, I wrote a silly note in the steam on the mirror when I get out so it'll appear when he showers." - Kelly, 24. Tee hee, giggle, giggle. And she's two years older than I am! Come on Kelly, are you 12? That's not sex, that's psychotic...

Now, I know you're thinking, "Kaet is single. She's probably not getting any, that's why she's bitter." Not true, I'm a smart girl. Okay, maybe I'm bitter slightly only because I refuse to play games and be all tee hee about relationships. Cosmo implies that guys don't take hints, so why play games? I want you; you want me, let's go back to my place and make out. I'll light a scented candle and put on Boyz II Men; you get the taste of beer out of your mouth and throw on a ski mask. We conclude, you leave, no cuddling (unless you want to be my boyfriend and at that point, you should watch out).

Why must we play games? Why do we need to be fake? Why can't we all just be happy with who we are? It's simple and it works. Fine, I'll compromise, I'll be tee hee in the beginning of a relationship to bait you in and then when you bite I'll reel you in only to reveal I could really care less about playing games. Maybe then you'll realize that I like to scratch my butt, drink beers and tell you like it is. I'm tired of being all sweet and sugary, and I'm only 22. Aren't you girls too, or are you too damn insecure and have to read Cosmo to feel relationship smart?